A Post I Didn't Want to Write

I haven't been blogging lately not because I have a newborn but because I've been avoiding doing this post.  

Little Guy and Little Sister are our foster kids who we've had in our home for almost 11 months.  When we came home from the hospital with Olive, it was pretty immediately clear to us that I could not care for all four children in the ways they needed.  We were scrambling to piece together help, stubbornly planning to stick to our guns with our commitment to caring for Little Guy and Little Sister indefinitely, when I hemorrhaged and had to go back into the hospital.

We were able to get them into emergency respite care while I was in the hospital.  Johnny and I then started to talk about what we were going to do moving forward.  Now not only did we have four kids in the house two and under, but I couldn't lift any of them besides Olive or my bleeding would start again.  The phrase "you have to protect your family first" kept playing over and over in my head.  The problem with that was that we had only been a family for 11 months when Little Guy joined; he and Little Sister had almost always been a part of it.

In the end we decided that we had to do what was best for them, and that meant humbling ourselves and recognizing that we were not the best option.  They needed love and attention that we couldn't give.

Making the decision was agonizing, and my prayers throughout the whole process were that Johnny and I would be united in our decision and that the kids' new home would be perfect for them.  God has been so gracious in honoring those prayers, binding Johnny and me together with peace and giving the kids an amazing new home.  We have no idea how long the kiddos will be in care before something permanent is an option.  We are hoping not too long, but unfortunately that is wishful thinking.

We love these two little babies very much and are grateful for the time we got to have with them.  Our prayer for them is that no matter where they end up they would be safe and happy.

Costco Crazies

I decided to make my last pre-baby trip to Costco today with our three kiddos.  I really didn't need anything from Costco specifically, but they have big carts and cheap milk, so that's where we decided to go.

Now, I'm going to illustrate this for you with words since the government does not allow me to post pictures of my foster kids.  Thanks Obama Care.  Picture this, Little Sister, a two and a half year old African American little girl with twists in her hair and purple leopard pants, is sitting in the basket portion of the cart, covered in Costco-sized groceries.  Her ten month old little brother and his four inch tall afro are sitting in the seat next to Lila, my white, runny-nosed, twenty-three month old daughter.  We have completed our shopping and are waiting in line for what ends up being nine huge pieces of pizza.  I'm still not really sure how that happened.  Anyway, as I am navigating the cart and the three plates of pizza to find a place to sit down, an older woman stops me and says, "They're so cute! Are they twins?"  I'm still not exactly sure which two she was talking about, but she seemed to be referring to my 32 pound vanilla daughter and my 15 pound chocolate foster son.  I kind of smiled at her and said, "No...they're not twins," and started cutting up pizza.

Now I have been asked all kinds of things by strangers about my motley crew, "Are they all yours?" "Is their father around?" but never before have I been asked if two of them are twins.  There's a first time for everything, I suppose.

How Long Have You Had Those Kids?

This month marks eight months since our foster kids, Little Guy and Little Sister, came into our home.



Legally I'm not allowed to show their faces on the internet or write their names or really talk about their situation at all, so it makes it really difficult to share anything about that part of our lives.  One thing I can say, however, is that it's definitely the most difficult and challenging thing that Johnny and I have ever done.

I started doing a little reflecting after reading this article on fostering/adoption from the New York Times that my friend Anna posted on my wall.

My favorite part of the article went something like this:

  “When I first went into this, I had this idea that everyone should be doing this,” Maureen told me, referring to foster-care adoption. “But if you are going to do it, you better be darn well sure you can handle it.”

I couldn't agree with this sentiment more.  When we believe in something, I think we have a tendency to feel that everybody should be doing it, especially in the Christian community.  I remember feeling guilty at Wheaton every time I went to a speech or fundraiser or whatever for different causes throughout the world.  I think by Christmas of my freshman year I had opportunities to "adopt" world vision children, buy cows for farmers in third world countries, tutor underprivileged children in Chicago, give money and wear red to support AIDS research, and so on and so on.  I'm not saying any of those things were bad; I just didn't need to do all of them...or any of them.

That being said, I do think that Johnny and I have been called, at least for now, to be foster parents and possibly adoptive parents.  If that's something you are interested in and you have a good support system and you don't mind if you get crayon on your walls or that all your hair will turn grey by the time you're 27 or that you just might unexpectedly see your kid's biological family at the library or that everywhere you go people will either ask you if "all those children" are yours or glare at you for having children of different races, then go for it.  It's an understatement to say that there are tons of kids who need help.  Just while writing this I got an email from my case worker asking for an adoptive family for a sibling set of three precious boys.  Our agency's website has literally pages and pages of children needing families.

So before I start rambling, here's the gist: fostering is hard, hardest thing we've ever done, don't do it if it's not for you, jump in head first if it is.  

Dark White is the New Black

Little Sister is having a difficult time with taking baths, so I thought it would be a good idea to get her a special bath time baby.  Until I had to shop for an African American baby doll I had no idea that dark skinned baby dolls don't seem to exist.



This baby doll is the only African American version of the Water Babies brand, and it's maybe two shades darker than Lila...whitest child ever.  Is it too much to ask for there to be baby dolls in the same shades as people?  (By the way, what in the world is this baby wearing? It's supposed to be the "angel" baby, but I don't see why the baby has to be wearing a shear white negligee to portray that.)

Too Cute

I mean can you even handle it?  If you could only see the front.  Even cuter.

Fostering Update

The last time I wrote anything on here about our fostering situation was back in March when I let everyone know that we were going to take in Little Guy's older sister ("Come and Knock on Our Door").  I have to be careful about what I post when it comes to fostering.  I can't use their real names; I can't show their faces; we pretty much have to pretend that they don't exist when it comes to the internet.



But they do exist! And they are a huge part of our lives, so I wanted to give a little update on what's going on, especially with another Hutson on the way.

We got Little Guy on March 11, and then his older sister (22 months at the time) came along the last week in March.  The first month with all three of them was really, really hard.  Johnny and I obviously weren't sleeping well because we had an infant, and Lila and Little Sister were having a really hard time getting along.  They had to learn to share everything and to not hit each other when they're angry...which we're still working on.

Slowly, very slowly four months have gone by since we got Little Guy.  Things have gotten better because we've all gotten used to each other and gotten into a routine.  The hardest part of the situation is always being in the land of the unknown when it comes to how long we will have them and where they are going.  A typical case lasts six to nine months with the goal always being to send the kids home if it's possible and safe, and we're moving into month five without a lot of forward motion.  We're praying for patience, and I do think I'm being granted that request to some extent.

Now that another Hutson is coming at the beginning of February, I am very eager to figure out where this case is going, but it's possible that you might see me at Trader Joe's in January with a giant belly and three kids in the shopping cart.  If that happens, I advise you to turn around and go to another store so that we don't ruin your shopping experience.

Sisters

Sisters waiting for Daddy to come home.

 

Come and Knock on Our Door

Johnny and I decided that we still had too much free time during the day, so we decided to accept our current fostering placement's older sister as well.  If you want to hear more about it, subscribe to my private fostering blog!

Sibling Rivalry

We have had quite the week in the Hutson household.  On Monday afternoon, we got a call for our first fostering placement, a little six day old boy.  We've spent the week getting used to having two little kiddos underfoot, and by underfoot I mean one underfoot and one put up as high as possible so that the underfoot one can't poke his eyeballs out.

Lila was very excited when I first walked in the door with Little Guy.  She kept saying, "Buhbuh! Buhbuh!"  That excitement was fairly short lived, however, when she realized that when I'm feeding him I can't hold her.  She doesn't understand that he is fragile, so she continually tries to put her fingers in his mouth, pet his head, crawl over him, etc.

There was a point, though, a few days ago when I had him in the swing, but it wasn't swinging. He started crying, and Lila speed-crawled over to him, stood up, and started manually pushing the swing.  Probably a little faster than he wanted, but it's the thought that counts. I think there's hope for her after all.

Call #1

We finally got our first fostering call!  I was ordering dinner at Panera in between tutoring sessions, and the sweetest girl from our agency called.  The only problem was the placement was for a sibling set of brothers, ages two and three.  We can only take one right now, so I had to say no.

I found myself quickly trying to figure out how I could make two kids work.  Sure we don't have two extra beds or two extra car seats or two extra high chairs, and sure it would be crazy to have three kids age three and under, but they sounded so darn cute!  I suppose the thing that I have to remember is that we aren't the only family willing to take in kids.  There are hundreds of families, many willing and able to take multiples.  We have to do what's best for our family, and by doing that, we are also doing what's best for the incoming kiddos.

Saying no made me sad, and I didn't even want to think about what happened to get them into the system, but we at least know that we are up and running and on the radar for a placement soon.  Thanks for all you who've been thinking about us and supporting us through all this.

I am double posting this on my new fostering blog From Foster to Family.  I'll be using that blog for pictures and more specifics on placements once we start getting some kids in our house.  Feel free to ask for a subscription.

Becoming Officially Official

We had our first and hopefully only visit from the state today to finalize our fostering license.  It was a fairly simple checklist:

Covers on all the electrical plugs: check

Smoke detectors in all bedrooms, hallways, and levels of the house: check

All paint and chemicals locked up or stored above six feet (now that's really safe): check

No trampolines, pools, ponds, or exotic or restrictive pets: check

Fire escape and tornado safety routes posted: check

Emergency numbers posted on the fridge: check

Baby gates on all stairs: check

Barrier around the furnace and water heater: check

Tired of all the rigamaroll: check

We've officially been "temporarily" licensed for over two weeks.  Every time the phone rings, I take a mental breath before looking at the caller id, hoping that it's our agency calling with a placement.  So far, nothing.  We have a very limited range of children that we are willing to take at this point (0-18 months, only one child, no super serious medical issues), so that and Snowmageddon  are playing into our lack of calls.  I vacillate between hoping they call with anything and reminding myself that it's better to be picky in the beginning so that we don't have major problems down the road.

All that being said, we have a really nice crib and some really cozy baby clothes just waiting for someone to try them out.

Foster the People

It's official!  We are temporarily licensed!  Seven fire alarms, four baby gates, one barrier around the furnace, thirty-seven plug guards, thirty hours of class, three hours of First Aid, and twenty fingerprints later, we are now able to foster children who need a home.

Now every phone call that I get causes me to jump and run for the phone.  We haven't gotten any fostering calls yet, but I am hoping that it will be soon.  Lila is all moved in to her big girl room, and we've got carseats and cribs out the wazoo,  but the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, or KDH&E, still has to come and approve our John Hutson and Rachel Hutson Family Foster Home before we can be officially licensed.

We're all very excited to start this new extension of the Hutson family.  I've been practicing getting two babies around the house and on walks with Lila's friend Hayes.  She loves hugging him and petting his hair.  I'm hoping that she'll be as accepting to a more permanent little friend.

Fostering Update

A little while ago I mentioned that we were gearing up to become foster parents.  I thought I'd give a little update on how that's going.  So far we have...

killed three forests with the paperwork that we have filled out
completed two online classes about medication
taken a three hour first aid class where the answer to every problem was "Call 911"
completed a thirty hour course on fostering
gotten physicals and passed TB tests
copied paycheck stubs
purchased a lock box and locked all of our medicine in it
installed four new smoke detectors and one carbon monoxide detector
installed three baby gates
purchased first aid kits and put them in our cars

bought a new crib

filed background checks for three different states

and started moving Lila into the guest bedroom.

We still have to...

meet with our social worker

create a detailed floor plan of our house with room and window dimensions

buy a double stroller

place all of our chemicals over 6 feet

and hope that someone eventually looks at our paperwork and approves our initial license.

Fingers crossed we'll be ready before Lila goes to college.

Ready or Not

I posted a few days ago about the next step our family is taking, becoming a foster family.  I mentioned that things are moving quickly, and we realized a few days ago that we are looking at mid-January for our first placement.  That meant I needed to get my rear in gear and start shopping...on craigslist!



I got a great sleigh crib on craigslist for $50 and got the lady to throw in the almost new mattress for free!



Then I was able to find 17 Bum Genius cloth diapers (if you haven't heard of my love toward cloth diapers, click here) for $8 a piece! They are normally $20 a piece.  Originally, I snubbed my nose at buying used ones, but this lady kept hers in better condition than I keep mine, so we're probably better off with hers anyway.  Lila eats a lot of prunes...enough said.



Then we were surprised by the Houghs at youth group last night with a car seat from a friend of theirs.  It even matches the one we already have! Lila could go in either this one or the infant one we currently have, so we'll just wait and see how big our next baby is.

Meanwhile, let's keep it real, this is a glimpse at what the rest of my house looks like.  Yes, those would be coats on my kitchen table as well as three cake stands, an unmade graham cracker house, an empty tin, and some mail.  I also still have a table in the middle of my living room, the dining room halfway painted, and cheerios EVERYWHERE.   When we visited Johnny at work today, we told his boss to let Lila crawl around on the carpet.  She was worried that it was too dirty, and Johnny said, "Our floors are probably dirtier." I didn't argue.

The One Where Johnny and Rachel Do Something Crazy

UPDATE: Since this post, we have flung ourselves feet first into fostering.  If you'd like to learn more about our fostering experience, tell me a little about yourself and ask to follow our private fostering blog, From Foster to Family.  The blog is private due for confidentiality reasons, but if you are interested in fostering, we'd love to share our experiences with you!

This is one of those posts with no pictures.  If you want to skip it, I understand.

Some of you might be thinking, "Gosh, Lila is already 8 months old.  When are Rachel and Johnny going to have another baby already?!" I know, I know, we are just so unreasonable, but we actually do have some sibling plans in the works; it's just not necessarily the way we originally thought we would grow our family.

We knew that moving back to Kansas was obviously an act of God.  Johnny was interviewed and hired at a company where he didn't even attach his resume to the initial email.  We sold our house in Philadelphia after three days on the market, and I was able to start right back up working with the Adams.  What we didn't realize is that in moving here we would be able to reconnect with our Wheaton friends Tate and Abby at the Global Orphan Project benefit last year.  In talking to them there and numerous times later on, we were able to hear about their passion for helping local orphans through the foster care system.  As we learned more about the system, God continued to throw other friends in our path who had made similar decisions.

Johnny and I had talked about adoption before as something we might be interested in at some point, but after learning more about fostering and seeing the help that our friends were providing these children, our hearts quickly softened to the idea.  A few months after Lila was born, Johnny and I decided to start pursuing becoming foster parents with the intent to hopefully adopt out of the system. (The primary concern as a foster parent is to reunify the child with the biological family, but adoption becomes a possibility if the original plan doesn't work out.)  We began taking our ten weeks of classes in October, leaving us at this point with only two left.  After the classes are over, we have a few little things to complete, and then we will have our house inspected.  We thankfully don't have too much to do; nothing like Tony Felich having to cut larger windows into his basement walls.  We were initially thinking that our first placement would be sometime in March or April, but we realized last night that it is likely we would have one much earlier than that, as soon as we have our temporary license. 

So will you see me driving around in the Partridge Family bus sometime in May with a bunch of teens, preteens, and toddlers?  Most likely not.  For Lila's safety, we are only planning to take kids around her age and younger.  So that means we'll be looking at kids under two, but as she gets older, the ages we accept will continue to grow.  We're also planning to only take in one at a time because I don't think I can get into the grocery store with three children under the age of two.

Obviously a lot of thought, prayer, and planning has gone into this decision, but I won't bore you with all the details.  I am not writing about this so that people will think we're great for doing this...or crazy as most people seem to see it.  The main reason I'm writing about this is because we need help.  We do have a lot of fears going into this.  I worry all the time about raising a child as my own and then having to return him or her to a family I don't necessarily approve of.  I worry about more sleepless nights with an infant.  I worry about Lila getting used to having a younger sibling and possibly losing that sibling.  But none of these worries or fears seem sufficient to me to not do my part in saving a child in danger.

So how can you help?  Here's a list:

• Prayer.  If you think about our situation or the situation of others who are fostering, lift us up quickly because we could surely use it.
• Clothes. We are pretty set on little girl clothes, but we have very few little boy clothes (though we do have a few because we all thought Lila was a boy. Sorry Lila!).  If you have some lying around that you're wanting to get rid of, throw them our way.
• Big Items. We need another crib, baby gates, another high chair, a bigger stroller, another car seat, etc.  *I will say that Johnny and I are financially stable people.  I am not asking you to go out and buy us a crib; we will be able to get these things.  But if you have things to get rid of, we are happy to take them.
• Love. These little kids are going to need a lot of extra love, so if you have some to share, feel free to pile it on our little extra kids whenever you see them.

Fostering is a very confidential thing, so I won't be able to tell you much about our child's background or even be able to post pictures of him or her publicly on the internet.  I am, however, planning to start a private blog to chronicle our experiences with this next endeavor.  I will be happy to tell you when I begin that, and if you want to be a part of the audience, I can let you on in.  Thank you already to everyone who has been encouraging us with this process; we've very excited to see what happens!

Global Orphan Project's BIG Event

Johnny and I had the pleasure of attending The Global Orphan Project's BIG Event last night, a benefit dinner to raise money for the amazing work that this organization does to help forgotten children around the world.  It was so neat to hear stories and see pictures of the relationships they have been able to build with children who have otherwise been abandoned.  To see more about this organization, click here.

My old friends Rachel Beil and Erin Royston bought a table and invited us to come along.  I got to reconnect with some old friends and eat a lot of cheese cubes and baked potato skins.

And look who else we found!  Tate and Abby, the other crew marriage!  Johnny and I have been meaning to meet up with them since we moved here, but we totally forgot that Tate works for Global Orphan Project.  We only need one more person and our boat will be complete.  Perhaps Baby Hutson will row?

The Global Orphan Project was able to raise money to support over 400 kids last night, and Johnny and I are eager to learn more about not only what the organization is doing overseas but also what they're looking to do  at home as well.  I highly recommend looking them up.