Johnny and I will recognize that we are a bit behind the times when it comes to technology. The only reason we have an iPad is because his parents bought it for us so that they could Facetime with Lila. I mean we were still using his desktop from college up until about a month ago. Our phones were similarly as old. Mine was at least a slidey phone with a keypad. Johnny's had been washed in the washing machine by some unknown woman in our house who does the laundry, so he decided to replace it with the flip phone he had TWO PHONES AGO.
Part of this refusal to move into the modern era (and by "modern era" I mean "post post modern era"...let's be accurate here) is our contentedness with what we have and our lack of desire to spend money, especially with monthly payments on data plans. But for my birthday this year, Johnny decided that we'd bite the bullet and upgrade our phones. He did all kinds of research on the best plans and the best phones and the best deals and finally decided on the Nokia Lumina from T Mobile. It's only $130 when you buy it from Wal-Mart, so we decide to take out Saturday morning with the entire clan and look at our potential phones.
The only Wal Mart around us that carries this particular model is a Wal Mart that I have never even heard of. It almost makes the South Philly Wal Mart look nice...almost. By the way, if you're going to Philadelphia in the near future and you want to contract a disease, I suggest you go to the South Philly Wal Mart. Anyway, we get to Wal Mart. Little Guy in the Baby Bjorn, Lila in the cart seat, Little Sister in the actual cart. We travel to the furthest corner of Wal Mart where the phones are located and quickly realize that all the phones on display are fake. You can't try any of them. Fabulous. Johnny tries to ask the extremely uninformed worker where we could find this phone, finally suggesting himself that perhaps Best Buy might have it. The worker man says, "Oh yeah it's on 95th and Metcalf." I roll my eyes in my head because all good Overland Parkers know that Best Buy is on 119th and Metcalf. Duh.
Out of the Wal-Mart with all children accounted for plus some additional light bulbs and baby formula. We get in the car and as we're driving away, we get Aunt Suzanne on the phone to congratulate her on her engagement. It is amid this speaker phone conversation that I realize that not only is one child not buckled in but that Johnny is not a good Overland Parker and is heading for 95th and Metcalf to the non-existent Best Buy. I may or may not have said good-bye to Suzanne before hanging up the phone, redirecting the car and climbing in the back to buckle in the unbuckled child.
We arrive at Best Buy, put Little Guy in the Baby Bjorn and decide to let the girls walk instead of going in the cart. I mean, what could happen? Unfortunately, Little Sister has no shoes in the car which is surprising because she usually has a large collection of five or six shoes in the backseat. The only shoes in the car are some rain boots that are about two sizes two big for her. "Put 'em on!" we say, and our merry band slowly, very very slowly ("Yes I know that's the sky. You are very good at identifying the sky every time we go outside.") makes its way into Best Buy.
I take on the task of putting back all of the phone cases that the girls pull off the shelves while Johnny walks around and talks to the people about phones. Of course, Best Buy does not have the phone that we wanted to look at. At this point, while chasing after Lila and the $68 phone case she's refusing to give up, I look at Johnny and say, "If we had smart phones we could have checked in the car whether they had it or not." He promptly agrees and asks Best Buy man where the closest T Mobile store is. This man seems a little more informed than Wal-Mart man because he actually looks it up on a computer and tells us where the T Mobile store is (135th and Metcalf if you're not a good Overland Parker or if you don't have a smart phone).
By now we have been on the road for over an hour with the three kids, which is really pushing it. But we are so close that we just can't bear to turn back now. I do some problem solving and decide that the kids will probably last just enough longer if we stop at Five Guys for lunch. We have never taken all three kids out to a restaurant before, even a restaurant with peanuts on the floor. In fact, before we had so many kids we had many conversations about how we would never take all of our children out to eat. I am very concerned, but we are in desperate need of hamburgers, so really my hands are tied.
We walk in and order our food, and wouldn't you know it, our kids sit quietly the entire time and enjoy their lunch! Little Guy moves around just enough in his infant carrier that he rocks himself throughout the meal, and the girls chow down on their burger and fries. They don't even lick the ketchup off their fries...delightful! The only downside is that I realize that Little Guy will need to eat soon and all I have is an old bottle. I go into the Five Guys bathroom and attempt to clean out the bottle with paper towels and hand soap. I'm going to assume that this has happened to most of you with kids and that I'm not the only absentminded mother out there. Thank you for letting me assume that.
We get out of Five Guys and back into the car for the third time and head to the T Mobile store. Getting into the car, by the way, is like a small military mission. Johnny and I are yelling over the car to each other about who has whom and who's hand needs to hold on to our pants and who needs to stop lying on the ground and who shouldn't eat rocks. Just like the Army.
We finally arrive at the T Mobile store, and Johnny being the good husband decides to go in this time to make sure they have what we want before we all get out of the car. They do, hallelujah, and we all get out of the car. I decide to mix things up this time and put Lila in the umbrella stroller and allow Little Sister to push her around the store; everybody wins. It is very clear at this point that someone has pooped and that Little Guy is VERY ready for a nap. While I deal with the girls, Johnny feeds a screaming Little Guy while intently listening to the stammering and overwhelmed T Mobile man tell him about the phone and the optional plans. We try out the phone and decide that it's the one for us, but of course we're not going to buy it from the T Mobile man, psh that would be too easy and more expensive.
Johnny gets the job of putting Little Guy in the car while I wrangle the girls. At this point, Little Sister becomes extremely upset that she can't do something with the stroller. I don't even remember what it is that she wants to do that she can't do. She begins a full on tantrum while Lila relaxes in the stroller, probably rubbing her belly button and sucking her thumb. Now tantrums really put a bee in my bonnet, so I stick Little Sister in timeout in the corner of the T Mobile store. This is not a new thing to the girls. I have put them in timeout at Wal Mart, Trader Joe's, other people's houses, the list goes on. Little Sister finally calms down, but I decide that I really want to drive the point home, so I explain to her that this is not her house and she is not in charge. This is the T Mobile people's house, and they do not like her yelling and screaming in their house. Then I make her walk over to the T Mobile people and apologize for her behavior. A very quiet and snot filled "Rorry" comes out, and the T Mobile people look at me oddly and mumble something like "It's ok," and we walk out the door and get back into the car.
It's only when we get home (you get her, I'll get him, then you come back and get the other one while I get him a bottle, and then you change her diaper) that I realize how horribly this entire trip could have gone. If I had known what we were going to end up doing, I probably would have just sent Johnny off on his own, but it ended up being a really enjoyable time with our entire family, and enjoyable times with our entire family out in public can be very hard to come by.
